I am truly grieving the loss of my relationship and best friend. When they are pulled away from you and it’s completely out of your control you realise just how much of an impact they were on your life. We shared so much together, he knew me inside out. I miss his company so much, there isn’t one thing I wouldn’t do to just be able to rewind time and have one last time spent together being the crazy fools which we were, or laughing and watching movies together. I still can’t really process that I won’t share my life with him anymore, I can’t bring myself to fully process that terrifying thought, but I know that he can.
So this person I love so much, who I know so well, who I have travelled across the world with, who knows my secrets, who made me feel happy to be alive, who I slept next to every night, who I would do anything for – will now be a stranger. Someone I say hello to when passing by, someone whos name makes me feel sick to my stomach when mentioned, someone I’ll always wonder what they’re doing and worse one day I will have to see with someone else, to just remind me again that I was not good enough. What a cruel world we live in.
People need to stop telling me to “move on”. I am devastated and I am allowed to not feel ok. Meeting someone else will not take this pain away. I am not going to be ready for a long time to even contemplate sharing my life with anyone else. I am broken. I’ve lost the one I loved, an irreplaceable person. It’s now destroying me to accept they’re never going to come back.