Love lost. [10]

I wake up in the middle of night and for one split second of relief you were still lying next to me, but then the panic attacks start again when it all hits me at once that you’re not there, you’ll never be there again, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I wish I could “move on” like I’m supposed to, I wish I could feel like this was the best thing for me, but how can it ever be when I have six years of happy memories, six years with my best friend – that’s exactly what he was. There are no amount of words to describe how much I love him and how much i painfully miss him.
I wish I wasn’t in this much pain, it feels like it will never end. I don’t think it will ever truly end. I am never going forget this person or the love I feel. Everyone tells me in time I’ll meet someone else, but it will never be the same because they will never be him.

I feel cheated and robbed, like I have lost my one chance of pure love. You don’t get that type of love to give twice. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you, I had so much more to give. All I wanted was to give to you the happiest ย fulfilled life and I failed. I had my soul mate and I lost him. Maybe I wasn’t his, but I know in my heart he was mine.


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