Oh the anxiety attack got me good last night. All day i could feel it building inside me, i couldn’t concentrate on anything at work, the butterflies in my stomach were unbearable. As soon as i got home i was trying my hardest to keep it together, but everything inside me was ready to explode – and i did. You can tell yourself a million times “don’t cry” or “don’t freak out” but i think that is truly the saddest thing about anxiety attacks – you just can’t help it.
It’s every single bad thing or thought smacking you right in the face, it suffocates you, it hurts, you cannot think straight and i don’t know about anyone else but it makes me irrational, i do things i wouldn’t normally do or say things i wouldn’t normally say. So when I’m feeling ok again, i then start feeling really shit about myself, mostly i just feel shame.
However, the attacks don’t last forever, i just need to try even harder to sit it out, to not give into feeling pain, to stay calm (all way easier said then done) and i’ll try not to cry.