I have been dreading this day because it’s just so fucking sad to not have the one person you miss here. It just feels wrong when we were so close and this is my first Christmas in a long time without him. Something I stupidly never thought I’d have to experience.
Today has been good though, I have been spoilt by my family and I’m so lucky to have such a big loving family to make me laugh. But the loneliness has been lingering in me today. It’s come and gone in waves I’ll be fine one minute and then I’ll painfully miss him the next and have to go be on my own for 20 minutes or so to try and calm myself down, as I don’t want my family to see me upset on Christmas Day.
Atleast I’ve done everything I can to avoid spiralling into a panic attack, which is something to be proud of, as quite a few times I felt like a terrible one was coming on. I’m just lucky to be surrounded by my family who love me just the way I am.
I hope everyone else who is going through a really hard time and dealing with a lot of demons has managed to still enjoy Christmas and had a lovely day. X