Romans & Greeks. [40]

If there is anything i will always remember him for, it’s his love for history. Something that has naturally worn off on me, i couldn’t be more thankful he opened my eyes to the ancient world. I always thought i was ‘too dumb’ to ever understand or appreciate history.

Through seeing my therapist i have now started to ‘unravel’ where my attachment lays with him, and it truly is because he made me love something in myself i never knew was there. The happiest i have ever been in my entire life was on our travels, in six years i have been so lucky to visit so many museums and see so many wonders of the world.

I will never forget the feeling of when i saw the Colosseum in Rome for the first time, it honestly took my breathe away and i really did feel like the luckiest girl in the world – those moments are not ones that can ever be replaced. I got the same feeling when i saw the Acropolis in Athens, and stepping off the plane in Naples or visiting the underground lost city ruins in Barcelona. I have done things i never thought i’d be lucky enough to do like climb Mt Vesuvius and visit Pompeii. I would never of done or seen any of these places without him, he was a true blessing in my life. I’ll forever be thankful that someone made me so happy and brought a whole new passion into my life.

What I’ve been struggling with the most now is still loving learning about Romans & Greeks, we used to watch so many history programmes or films together, that now when i try i just get so upset because it feels ‘wrong’ and the loneliness hurts on a scale you can’t imagine. All my precious trinkets, statues and photos have had to be boxed away for now because i just can’t face looking at them everyday and remembering how happy i was. Since the move i have lost all my books i’ve collected which really has upset me and set my anxiety off today, i am worried that in a moment of madness when i was packing up my flat i told my mum to get rid of them, i truly hope she didn’t or i hope he’s got them. I just hope they are safe and not in some charity shop.

I don’t want to stop loving something just because we can’t do it together anymore, i know he wouldn’t want me to just stop, he would still want me to go see all the places i want to, the hardest thing in the world will be going on my own, but i am going to start off small by visiting museums on my own, then hopefully castles and the goal one day is to go back to Italy and Greece, on my own, and finish what we started. I can’t let a passion inside me die aswel. As my books are nowhere to be found, i have been listening to audio greek mythology stories in bed. Honestly – the only thing that has put a smile on my face lately. It takes me into a whole new world and pushes my anxiety aside, it feels like ‘home’ and a piece of myself that has been completely lost is just starting to creep back very slowly, even if its just for 40 minutes every night.

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8 thoughts on “Romans & Greeks. [40]

  1. The Colosseum is definitely on my list of things to see. That and Stonehenge.

    How long ago was the breakup? I know how raw it can feel when your mind brings up memories of the relationship, but I strongly believe that you don’t need to give up an interest because you shared it with an ex.

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    1. Stonehenge is also on my list! I drove past it but never been there properly. It was in October after 6 years together. so it’s all pretty raw and the worst 3 months – having to pack up my flat and move back home and have a whole new routine. I truly hope I never have to leave experience this again. Yeah, I don’t want to throw away my interest jut because it reminds me of happy times ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I just wish I didn’t hurt

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      1. You surely have suffered a loss. Its awesome that your family has been there for you, when I was going through the darkest moments of my illness, I found a lot of care and support from some family members that I didn’t expect.

        My mum always carries on about how important family is, and I never really thought much of it. But now we have a pretty awesome relationship

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      2. You’re so right. Family are everything! I’ll always remember how patient and great they have been helping me thorough this! I’m trying to just see this as a chapter of my life, surely the pain can’t last forever? Even if it feels like it now

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      3. sounds like a healthy way to think about it.

        When I went through my last breakup the pain was all consuming. Triggers were everywhere. I think you just got to let time do its thing, cause you’ll probably get to the point where you wake up one day and the pain isn’t as bad.

        What really helped me was keeping active. I tried all kinds of new activities that I found on groupon. Got my scuba cert and fell in love with that sport. This might be the chance for you to do all the things that you’ve always wanted to do.

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  2. Yeh that is true about triggers, at the moment i still get upset about silly things like if i hear the intro to his favourite show, or seeing films on tv we watched together – to big things like having to drive down the road we used to live. It is just emotionally so hard to let go of that part of yourself and life. It’s like everything i knew and built up in six years just being pulled away with no warning, i do just feel empty, but i suppose this is the challenge to refill that massive hole, and starting with new activities would be good for me, my anxiety is just the battle, but i am determined to keep trying!

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