If there is anything i will always remember him for, it’s his love for history. Something that has naturally worn off on me, i couldn’t be more thankful he opened my eyes to the ancient world. I always thought i was ‘too dumb’ to ever understand or appreciate history.
Through seeing my therapist i have now started to ‘unravel’ where my attachment lays with him, and it truly is because he made me love something in myself i never knew was there. The happiest i have ever been in my entire life was on our travels, in six years i have been so lucky to visit so many museums and see so many wonders of the world.
I will never forget the feeling of when i saw the Colosseum in Rome for the first time, it honestly took my breathe away and i really did feel like the luckiest girl in the world – those moments are not ones that can ever be replaced. I got the same feeling when i saw the Acropolis in Athens, and stepping off the plane in Naples or visiting the underground lost city ruins in Barcelona. I have done things i never thought i’d be lucky enough to do like climb Mt Vesuvius and visit Pompeii. I would never of done or seen any of these places without him, he was a true blessing in my life. I’ll forever be thankful that someone made me so happy and brought a whole new passion into my life.
What I’ve been struggling with the most now is still loving learning about Romans & Greeks, we used to watch so many history programmes or films together, that now when i try i just get so upset because it feels ‘wrong’ and the loneliness hurts on a scale you can’t imagine. All my precious trinkets, statues and photos have had to be boxed away for now because i just can’t face looking at them everyday and remembering how happy i was. Since the move i have lost all my books i’ve collected which really has upset me and set my anxiety off today, i am worried that in a moment of madness when i was packing up my flat i told my mum to get rid of them, i truly hope she didn’t or i hope he’s got them. I just hope they are safe and not in some charity shop.
I don’t want to stop loving something just because we can’t do it together anymore, i know he wouldn’t want me to just stop, he would still want me to go see all the places i want to, the hardest thing in the world will be going on my own, but i am going to start off small by visiting museums on my own, then hopefully castles and the goal one day is to go back to Italy and Greece, on my own, and finish what we started. I can’t let a passion inside me die aswel. As my books are nowhere to be found, i have been listening to audio greek mythology stories in bed. Honestly – the only thing that has put a smile on my face lately. It takes me into a whole new world and pushes my anxiety aside, it feels like ‘home’ and a piece of myself that has been completely lost is just starting to creep back very slowly, even if its just for 40 minutes every night.