Looking after myself. [45]

After Saturday nights attack, it has left me shaken up and all the bruising is really coming out now, it’s so sore and looks terrible! Obviously my general moral is low and my anxiety high, but today i woke up and just thought “this will not ruin today.”

Instead of staying in bed and feeling sorry for myself, i got up, did my make up and hair really nice, covered the bruises the best i could and went shopping with my mum. I treated myself to some new clothes from my favourite shop (Fat Face if anyone is wondering!) and brought some nice (quite pricey) beauty products. I have never been one for spending money or clothes or things for myself, but today i just thought “i really deserve to treat myself to nice things after what happened” and it actually made me feel great!

Since i have lost weight, just trying on the new clothes i brought made me feel so good about myself. Normally i would try things on and straight away take them back because i used to always think “i can’t wear that” or “you’re too fat to wear that” which was actually really unkind to myself.

When i came home, i run myself a hot bubble bath, lit my favourite candles and just soaked my poor body, relaxed and smothered myself in expensive beauty products. Despite Saturday nights events, i am now feeling a lot better then i anticipated – i can’t let arseholes ruin my days with worry, i didn’t do anything wrong and i deserve to feel good today. I’ll never forget what happened, and I’m sure the anxiety will always hit me next time i got out – but for just today, it was my day to look after myself.


4 thoughts on “Looking after myself. [45]

  1. (y) (this used to be the keyboard shortcut in msn messenger for thumbsup!)

    You’re amazing!!! You’ve got that empowering feeling back. I love your thoughts around the incident. You certainly didn’t do anything wrong, and I want to say you can’t let those assholes ruin your day but in therapy we are taught to use those types of words liberally (should/should not, can’t etc). You’re certainly going about it the right way though… taking things day by day.

    you rock!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thank you so much 🙂 yeah, i am really trying to stay positive – it’s the start of a new year, it’s hard enough battling demons every single day without adding to the list of things to worry/feel anxious about. I am not silly to think i’ll never feel down again, i’m sure another panic attack will creep up on me about the blue – but until then i just need to keep remembering everything she tells me in therapy and stay focused on feeling calm! PS you rock to 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Do you still see your therapist??? I’d love to know what her opinion is for dealing with these unexpected events.

        I’ve shared with my group/therapist numerous times that when it comes to managing and challenging my anxiety, I seem to do pretty well when it is things I am expecting or can plan for. ie: i know I’m going to the shops so I can prepare for those feelings and they don’t impact me that much.

        But the unexpected events which blindside me. They’re the ones which I’m continually trying to build resilience to.

        I must say in retrospect, the more these unexpected events happen. The less impact they have on my mood.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Phil, yeah i still go every single week – sometimes twice if i am having a hard time, but really we are trying to stick to 1 or 2 hours a week for now as i don’t want to feel dependant on her, although the anxiety/panic attacks are terrible, the only way i can truly learn how to control them myself is by learning a way to calm myself down.
    I still haven’t tried group therapy, i don’t feel ready for it yet, and i would have to travel outside my town (so would involve getting a train on my own) as for some reason they don’t do it group therapy at the place i go to! Maybe in the future i will find the courage to go, but i know in myself as soon as i got to the train station i would freak.
    Yes that is very true and a good way to look at it, you already seem 10 times stronger at handling it then me!


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