Dealing with loneliness. [58]

I saw this today and it couldn’t be more accurate to how i feel (and it’s by one of my great loves – Tim Burton). I do have friends. But, there are few and they are not friends i get to see very often, and they are all individual people who i have to see on one-to-one occasions.

Never in my life have i been part of a ‘group of friends’. All i can imagine is that you never feel lonely, that you all hang out together and if one person can’t make it, atleast you have the others there. You’re apart of something, you’re never left out, you’re always missed and always have people there to pick you up in the hard times to make you feel better.

I don’t think people fully appreciate how hard it is for people like me battling with loneliness and not ever having that social life. To always be the person on their own, at the moment i am forever being told to ‘go out with your friends’ – but do they not understand that friend is busy tonight – there are no other friends to go out with?! Even writing this is making me cry, because it’s so sad and also so unfair, if i wasn’t bullied or made to feel like a loser at school by arseholes, id probably have a great group of friends right now. It’s not even easy to make friends, or to be apart of a group, i can’t just go up to a group of strangers and be like hey can i be your friend? life isn’t that simple.

I suppose the only positive to not having a group of friends is that i am used to being on my own. Although i am not coping very well with my break up, atleast i am living through loneliness, which a lot of people are terrified of. I also know how to treat people, and when people do include me in things, i fully appreciate it. One of my goals this year is to have more friends, but i don’t want to meet people for the sake of it, i want to meet people i fully engage with feel myself around.

But to be honest, all i want is my best friend back, he never made me feel this alone. Thanks for taking that away from me aswel God. I feel like such a loser at life. 

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7 thoughts on “Dealing with loneliness. [58]

  1. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I know that feeling all too well just enough to know how much it sucks. I hope you find yourself amongst a great group of friends and genuine people soon enough. Take care, everything takes time. x

    Liked by 1 person

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