After work yesterday i had a 2 hour slot with my therapist. I couldn’t even cry this time. I just don’t feel anything. I didn’t even have much to say. But she just gets it, she understands what i’m feeling when nobody else does. She said i feel so devastated because i loved so much, and in return lost so much.
She understands why i feel so much pain, and understands why i feel like it was all my fault. She understands why i feel differently now, she said i have tried so hard to hang onto the person that i was, and it’s ok to let that girl go now. She made me feel reassured that it’s ok to put up a guard – apparently not wanting to feel anything is a form of protection. However she said that starving myself is self neglect, she said you’re not eating because you feel so worthless, which is exactly how i feel, and she gets that to, she doesn’t ever make me feel like I’m mental, which I’m sure is what everyone else thinks. She said you only feel so much pain because you loved someone so much, which is never a bad thing to feel about yourself (even though it does right now). She said I just need to remember i feel worthless and this low because that is how someone has left me feeling, i feel like trash – it is ok to feel everything i am feeling now.
We have such a good relationship now, i am so grateful of her time and constant desire to help me. Thank you for everything Debbie.