I just fucking saw him. [70]

Yep, it was fucking horrible.

I had therapy tonight, but basically i can’t hide how much weight I’ve lost anymore, or how sad and emotionless i am. People are noticing and asking questions, and i think are genuinely worried about me? or just nosey, I’m not sure. So one of my friends wanted to meet me after therapy (one of very few who knows i go) to have a talk about it and to see how i am.

So, i left therapy and went straight there, only for him to fucking walk in. I don’t think he saw me, i don’t care if he did or didn’t, either way he was quite literally a stranger sat across the room from me. Anyone who knows me previously would of known that i cry at anything and would of freaked out massively, but i didn’t.

I just can’t feel one fucking thing, all i got was the shakes and my heart felt like it was beating a million miles an hour – an anxiety attack. Everytime i looked at him i just feel pain. He was there with a big group of friends and probably his new fantastic girlfriend loving life, and i have just been to therapy in attempt to mentally block six years worth of memories out my life – as in – paying more money to a fucking psychologist.

Was this a test from God? Was this attempt to make me feel something? ย well no because it didn’t work, i just felt completely invisible and like i don’t exist, which is probably for the best.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s