How do i do it? [78]

So, i have had a few people message me directly saying “how did you lose over a stone so easily?”  – “how are you not hungry?”  “what do you eat in a day?“-  “why are you starving yourself?”  – “you need help!” ….. So i thought i would just write a post to explain a few things.

  1. I never set out to lose weight, my appetite just naturally decreased from feeling so, so sad. Emotional pain and heightened anxiety is a massive strain on your body. Now i don’t feel anything, i don’t feel hungry – ever. So it is really hard to force yourself to eat something when you don’t feel hungry, it just makes you feel sick.
  2. I won’t lie to you guys i eat next to nothing in a day, i never have breakfast, i never have lunch, i try and always have dinner – but it is normally something small. If i felt hungry in the day i would eat, but like i said, i don’t. At work all i have is herbal teas and water and it’s fine.
  3. Why am i starving myself? This is a complicated one to answer, i don’t see it as starving myself, i just don’t feel hungry. But, it is a viscous circle, when i first started noticing i was losing weight it made me feel really good about myself, people i hadn’t seen for months would stop me and say “wow you look great!” when they have no idea at all how depressed and broken you are inside. Now i am terrified to look in the mirror and see the ‘old me’, someone i never want to be again, the only difference being i still do see myself as that person, even though physically I’m not. I feel like trash, i feel so unloveable and so empty.
  4. You need help! – that’s a no brainer, thats why i spend a fortune on therapy sessions, i am trying my best to get the help i need.

If anyone else is battling this everyday like me, it’s ok. I am ashamed to, this isn’t what my life was supposed to look like, i never pictured myself here. It’s really fucking sad. But all i can advise you is that you see a therapist because i am fully aware this is not good or healthy, and if it wasn’t for my therapists supporting me, i wouldn’t even want to know what state i would be in right now. Lack of food isn’t exhausting. depression is.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s