I think i am losing my mind, i think i am border line mental. Last night, i actually had a dream about him, and it was a nice dream, it was the old him i used to know, my best friend, and we were having so much fun and messing around laughing – oh – then i woke myself up – because i was fucking having a convocation with him, he was there right next to me. You can only imagine the unbearable pain that then followed when i realised it was a dream, and no he was never there, it was just my fucking fucked up head. Although, don’t they say that people visit your dreams when they are also thinking of you? I wish i could believe that, somehow i think that is is highly unlikely. He left me when i truly needed him more then anything, so why would it bring me any kind of comfort to know he still does think of me now? Obviously he doesn’t.
Anyway, therapy tonight was weird, i just couldn’t listen to anything he was saying. Learning to block things out is fucked up, my head is a just a mess, i know i went to Barcelona, Rome, Naples, Athens and all these other amazing places – but i can’t remember the details of any of it, what did we do in the days? i have no idea, it’s just all a blur. Part of me is terrified i might not ever fully remember, part of me hopes i never do.