I’m actually doing it!! [87]

After last therapy session talking about travelling, Debbie directed me to hundreds of trips i could do. Tonight we picked one. This is like the ultimate test for me, to travel completely on my own. When i think about it too much, it terrifies me, i am the girl who struggles to even go out the house to socialise, who has panic attacks in front of strangers and feels suicidal 80% of the time. I am not the person i am becoming? or maybe i am?  –

I am going to be getting on a plane and flying half way across the world, all on my own.

There is still so much to sort out, but i need to pay my deposit by next Monday, once I’ve paid that deposit, there is no going back.

Debbie asked me an interesting question tonight, she said “if i was given the choice, would i invite him to come with me?” and i actually shocked myself because my answer was yes, but only because the boy i knew and loved so much would absolutely love this trip. It makes me feel so sad that he won’t be apart of it, he won’t be coming on the most insane adventure – it’s fucked up that i even feel sad about that, but i can’t deny i wish the old him was coming. This is the type of trip i see on tv shows, it is overwhelming to process that i’ll be there doing it myself.


* Also, i hit over 100 followers today! I just can’t believe it. My silly little blog has grown into my life that so many of you follow, thank you for all your lovely comments and messages in the most terrible time of my life. X

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