As i have a couple of days off, i wanted to make the most of the opportunity and do something. So, i drove to Oxford on my own! Something i have never done.
I went to the Ashmolean Museum because i have been reading a lot about the Egyptians lately and watching documentaries, i find them so fascinating, i know they have some interesting Egyptian pieces in there such as mummies, so i wanted to go see what i could find.
It was all going ok, until i wondered into a room which had A LOT of Roman stuff in, I tried to stay as calm as possible but as i was reading the information boards tears started rolling down my face and straight away it made me freak out and i felt like i was going to have a massive panic attack. I had to go hide in the toilet because i thought i was going to be sick. (Why? – because i spent a lot of time with him learning about Romans, visiting all the museums and it just brought back those really happy memories, clearly they are not as blocked out as i thought, i wish it didn’t hurt so much when it comes flooding back)
So after managing to somehow compose myself, i then felt really lonely and depressed, but i didn’t want to just go home as i felt like i had only just got there. So i walked around all the quirky streets for bit in the sunshine, i stumbled across some really pretty buildings – which looked gorgeous against the blue sky, so i just took lots of snaps and it made me realise how much i miss taking photos. I then – went to a cafe on my own – again, as an anxiety sufferer this is something i never would of done. Then i wondered around some more and found a bench in the sun in a park and just sat there with my notebook jotting down plans for my trip, photography ideas etc.
I feel like therapy has actually helped me a lot, some weeks are fucking terrible – i leave wanting to kill myself – but, 6 months ago i wouldn’t even meet my friend in my local town for a drink, and now i have drove into a city on my own and on the whole enjoyed a day by myself. This is a proud Emm moment.