Do you miss me? [114]

A question i ask myself today.

I already know the answer, the answer is no. If he missed me that much he wouldn’t be able to fuck someone else and leave me behind. But why does the question still come up in my head over and over?

It’s funny because on all my walks i always end up back at a lake we used to go to all the time, a happy place, I go there just to think. I feel close to him there. Pretty much the same as someone who lays flowers at a grave, maybe thats why i go, to grieve what i lost. Why do I miss you so fucking much. Why am i so fucking fucked up.

Days like today are the worst, i’d do anything in the world just to say hello to him and have a normal convocation. The depression hits me hard when i realise i’ll never be able to have that, and that he definitely does not feel the same. He is more then likely out with her right now and i am just a distant memory, a mistake he wrote off in his life. Yet I still live in hope that we will still be friends. Fuck my life. Days like today are when I just don’t want to be here anymore. 

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