I am still not over ToTo – Africa, my new neighbours must hate me because I was playing it so loud and singing in the bath at 7am this morning.. #sorrynotsorry. It’s just that one song that puts me in a great mood and makes me think of that trip to Africa I haven’t even booked yet – when i am back from Italy I think I am just going to put the deposit down, why the hell not! How can one place you’ve never been feel so close to your heart? Is that destiny?🦁❤️ 🐘🐆🦏
Everyday I am realising to myself that I don’t belong here, all of my desires are out there, I can feel myself being pulled towards it.
I am so glad I crave adventure/conservation and not someone else, I am not bitter, I don’t think ‘all men are the same‘ and I am most definitely not scared of being hurt again, because nothing would ever compare to the heartbreak i’ve had to face. I think i have just mentally gone past everything and I have changed as a person. I am selfish in the sense that I don’t ever want someone to hold me back, I don’t want day trips to London or to be taken out for meals – that isn’t the life I want, it makes me feel really suffocated. When I think about my future, I see myself on a jeep taking photos of Lions, or jumping in front of Mt Everest, riding Camels in the Sahara and gazing at the stars – I’ve been told the stars in the desert look so close that you could reach out and grab them, working in a Elephant sanctuary in India and my list goes on. I can do anything I want with my life, there are no limits to what I can do. Thank God the anxiety that kept my chained has been broke. I still struggle, but I don’t suffer. I am overcoming the part of myself I hated – I feel lighter everyday.
I DO NOT see myself sat planning what colour carpet to put down in the living room or dropping kids off at school, that absolutely terrifies me. If I by chance meet someone who has the same drive for adventure & passion for making a difference in the world and loves animals- great! But I am not in search of them at all. It feels like everyone just lives the same mudame routine. I can’t live like that, I just can’t. I would rather be the way I am for the rest of my life then settle for someone who doesn’t make me feel comeplete. I am lucky that I had that person early on in my life 🙏🏻 According to my physic he will come back one day and join me, I can only dream that would be the case, but that is all out of my control, right now it feels like he hates me so it feels highly unlikely. Anyway, that doesn’t make me lonely that I’m alone now, just completely focused on where my life is going.
This is the quote I will live by. I wish I had all the money in the world to support all the charities I love, but I don’t so instead I am doing what I am able to do. 🐢 if only everyone did the same, took the time to care about something other than themselves. The environment would be thriving. 🌿